My word is my bondage
Steve was a young sales rep I worked with years ago. He was pretty good at his job despite an alarming tendency to come back to the office with orders for things we didn’t sell, couldn’t produce and...
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The right tool
Toolkit for Ninja DIYI've got a tool box. I think it's in a cupboard somewhere. It's a big yellow plastic thing with a hint of the Fisher Price Playset about it, the sort of Christmas present you might...
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Alarmed
I really am most dreadfully sorryI went from the deepest sleep-state there is, the sleep beyond dreams, to wide awake, fully alert and crouched ninja-like on the floor of the hotel room before I had...
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Mary and Joe
Joe marched briskly across the foyer to the empty reception desk and tinged the bell on the counter with an optimistic flourish. He had a good feeling about this one.A head appeared round the door of...
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Lessons of carols
Novice carol singer goes for the big oneMy one regret about being a non-believer, apart I suppose from the risk of impending eternal damnation, is that you don't get many opportunities to sing God's...
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More English than England
Dad and LizOur American cousins and their mum lived in our attic for a couple of summers in the '70s. The only thing I remember from that time is the car journeys. Auntie Liz drove like blind people...
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Ghosts of Princes in Trousers
Walking in my usual distracted reverie through the city on Friday lunchtime, I found I’d strayed south of the Thames, into the maze of tight, narrow streets beyond London Bridge. I felt instantly on...
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Climb every mountain
Mountain humour; they think they're at the top. Zing!!The great thing about the English Lake District is that all you have to do is get up at 5.00am, drive for seven hours on some of the most congested...
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The Mixed Use Desk at Glasgow Airport
Might as well just say 'Talking Point'This is the Mixed Use Desk at Glasgow Airport. You can tell it’s the Mixed Use Desk because it’s got a sign on it saying ‘Mixed Use Desk’ and you can tell it’s at...
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World Enigmatism Day
Simple Minds: no longer capable of locating the lensSymptoms include severe neck painToday we draw attention to the plight of a small section of our society who need our help. How many of us have...
View ArticleAngels of The Belmont
I’ve just noticed there’s a sign above the reception desk which says “900 people die at The Belmont every year.” As advertising slogans go, it lacks zing. Maybe it would work better as a jingle. To be...
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The jazz trap
Throw the word 'Jazz' at me and I will recoil like a slug in a salt lick. Add 'French' and 'Accordion' and I'll leave a me-shaped hole in the nearest wall. Try those words in any order, it won't make...
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My creed, my creed (275 and 285)
- how many coins are there in that jar?- what?- that jar of coins- yes?- how many do you think there are in it?- oh! 275.- how'd you -? That's very precise. How do you know that?- I dunno. I just do-...
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Bruce Springsteen and the Eastbourne Street Band
We’re five-up and cruising the strip in my Mini Clubman (J-Reg, piss-orange, the nerdy rectangular headlight trim, not the cool Cooper one). The in-car mono is blazing Brucie through its single...
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All aboard
It's not a big deal, really. In a world of strife, poverty, inequality and all the horrors of nature's random cruelty, it shouldn't even rate a mention. If you made a list of 1000 Things You Should Get...
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Starlight's last gleaming
Skipping from the wings as his band competently embark on Where The Streets Have No Name, Owen Paul effortlessly commands the eight square feet of stage between the Gents and the fruit machine. His...
View ArticleCrazy Little Thing
I guess as your get older you gather more ghosts around you. Last night I found myself looking at two of mine and haunted by one of them.A friend has been throwing out old VHS tapes and found and...
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Your feedback is very important to us
Some bright young management high-flyer has had a great new idea for eliciting customer feedback at Gatwick airport. You can't miss it - it's a large white flip chart at the far end of the security...
View ArticleTravesties
One doesn’t frequent the theatre as much as one ought, nor will one in future if the theatre continues to stiff one for eighty-three notes plus a £1.75 ‘Restoration Contribution” for a seat in Row B of...
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Mac and Gordon and Don and Sancho
The whole thing comes down to what I see when I open my eyes. That’s not something I’m in any hurry to do. This entire ridiculous pilgrimage, the extra 300-mile gamble, the sore throat and banging...
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